Yep, it’s happening, I’m turning 30 this month, and you know what? I’m actually ok with it. Well obviously I have to be ok with it because there’s nothing I can do to change my age, but when I say I’m ok with it, what I actually mean is I’m embracing it with open arms.
You hear all of these stories of people approaching the big three O having breakdowns, not wanting to celebrate but wanting to drown their sorrows. To be honest I really thought i’d feel the same way. I remember being a teenager and looking at people in their 30’s, thinking that they were so old. Now I’m one of those people, but I don’t feel old (that is until I talk to an 18 year old and think OMG, you have so much to learn about the world.), if anything I feel the best about myself than I ever have in the past.
Strange isn’t it? It has taken me 30 years to finally be ok with me. For the first time in my life I’ve stopped questioning the type of person I am, I’ve stopped worrying about what others think and I only do the things that make me happy. What you see is what you get, if you don’t like it, that’s fine, just move on. I know where I want to go with my life, I have goals and aspirations that influence just about every decision I make. As I slowly achieve these goals, I feel better and better about where I am in life.
As cliché as it sounds, the birth of my son really helped put things in perspective. It made me realise how silly I was to allow little things consume my life in a negative way, little things that in the scheme of everything are really so minor and irrelevant. I’m talking about things like office politics, bitchy and spiteful people, even something as simple as peak time traffic would drive me insane. Now I’m not going to pretend that that I like these things, I still can’t stand them (especially traffic ugh!), but I really try not to let them consume me. Things still irritate me, but I’m slowly learning to ignore them or to handle it in a much better way.
For such a long time I felt so bogged down by other peoples bullshit, now I couldn’t care less, my energy is best spent on the things that make me and the people that I love happy. Why waste my time on things that just irritate me and get me worked up. Life’s too short to be angry. Plus, I don’t want that for my son. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, so if something is really bothering me, he’ll be able to see it and I don’t want him to be effected by such trivial issues. He’s so innocent and I don’t want his life to be influenced by negativity, I don’t want him to be someone that cares about these things, so I figure I need to lead by example.
I’m blessed to have great friends and family that I love and adore, all of whom have supported me through the good and the bad. I now choose to only surround myself with the people that I genuinely want around me and not force relationships with people out of some sort of obligation. If a relationship isn’t working or doesn’t enrich both of our lives then I’m ok with letting it go. It doesn’t mean that I dislike these people, it just means that our lives are going in different directions and our lives are ok without having each other in it. Walking away from a relationship doesn’t always have to be negative, sometimes it can be beneficial for all involved.
So all in all, it has been 30 years of learning and developing and no doubt there is a lot more of it to come. Chances are I’ll look back at this in another 30 years time and think about how little I knew about myself and life itself, but for now I’m in a good place.